This has been a BUSY month. During Passover I went through a few rounds of interviews for a new job, which I was only at for about two and a half weeks. It wasn’t a good fit. Tax law was too passive for me, I really like getting to do legal research and helping support aggressive arguments, and tax law was more about actuarial calculations and data entry; not enough law for me in the long term. Oh well. At least I hadn’t gotten too settled yet. It was never meant to be, I was just too optimistic to realize that at the time. The entire time I was there, I felt a bit like this:
That is NOT how one should feel at work when the job and the employee are a good fit.
In cheerier news, we went downtown as the cherry blossoms were starting to bud (but before most had blossomed) 2 weeks ago.
Now, I’m back to where I was a month ago, looking for a NEW new job, but at least I have a slightly better idea of what to look for and what I should have seen as warning flags earlier in the interview process.
The photo above is of my father-in-law, Louis, playing pool with Ben’s cousin Matt. They both look so serious, I need to be like that more often.
Side note: please see the poll below about what you’d like me to write more about.
me pretending to be choked by Ben (gently) putting a glowstick necklace on me at our after party
The next photo, of is of me making a weird face while Ben looks like he’s lovingly shushing me, really bugs me because I know that I was being goofy and he was being loving and it really bothers me when I miss the mark like that. Plus, it’s a really unattractive photo of me! Why couldn’t I spend all day wrapped up in my “love blankie” with him? Why can’t I still? What is holding me back from being present in my own life? I keep giving myself excuses for not being present, I hurt my knee so I can’t do yoga, I’m tired so I’ll just throw together freezer staples instead of real/affordable/more nutritionally dense meal, it’s late so let’s just go to sleep without snuggles. Yeah, I’m lacking in accountability right now and looking back on the wedding I wish I could go back to that mental state I was in for the ceremony and reception (before I apparently burnt out and went goofy at the after party) and just be me without false pretenses or excuses. Maybe I’m in a funk because I’m tired of the reply to my job applications being a phishing response (no, I do not think that you need my SSN or for me to go to another site that STILL doesn’t list your company’s name) to my earnest cover letter/resumes that I send out.
I’m just frustrated with looking for a job, again. WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY YEAR!? I felt like I was being so practical when I went back to school TWICE after graduation to study business and paralegal studies. I suppose those two certificates have made me more marketable than just a BA in music, but I feel like I’ve only been employed at the level I’d like to be for about 1/2 of my time since graduating. And just as a reminder, I graduated in May 2007, over 3 years ago. That’s 50% of my life as a college graduate spent unemployed, looking for work, or doing menial jobs at data entry and a grocery store bakery just to not feel like a burden and at least be able to pay for my own health insurance and gasoline.
The good news is, I suppose, that I won’t have to negotiate time off for the high holidays. They had lined themselves up so well this year! I would only have need to ask for 2 days for Rosh Hashanah and a 1/2 day for erev Yom Kippur.
Ok, thanks for reading through this co-opted post all the way to the end. I meant for my last wedding photo post to be all lovey-dovey but that photo just set me off because I’m so disappointed with my behavior in it and I needed to get that out. I’ll try and get back to my regularly bubbly self soon. Seriously, once my knee is better maybe I’ll go back to yoga. Maybe I’ll even go today, there’s a class with an instructor that I really like in 45 minutes. I’ll just take some advil with a small glass of milk and be on my merry way.
I am a paralegal and former violist living in Rockville, MD. When it's not a chag and I'm not at work or practicing I like to bake, watch TV, sew/knit, and try to keep my patio veggie garden alive. Thank you for visiting!
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